The Circle Game

So every parent of a kid post-high school has these Joni Mitchell moments where we hum the Circle Game. How did this kid who came out of me looking like a rubber chicken that I breast fed until he plumped up, well, nineteen? 

My college sophomore came home for Thanksgiving and I actually saw him.  Well, I fed him. I did get him to do a few chores including setting up the Christmas train garden.  Eli liked trains since he was a toddler and a number of years ago my father bought him a Lionel set. They worked on it together and it lived set-up year-round in my then un-finished basement for a number of years.  A less than stellar environment given there was no ceiling, walls or flooring.  But still we would make everyone who came over during the holidays make the trek down to see the garden which I had (mostly) willingly donated my collection of Christmas houses that had grown too big for the top of the piano.

Two years ago my Dad was failing and I knew he wouldn’t be able to make it down my basement stairs so we brought the garden upstairs including the uber heavy 4x4 stands he made.  My Dad never made it over that Christmas and died the following spring.  Last year I wasn’t up for doing much for Christmas and we didn’t set up the train garden. 

This year, I am decorating (or as I like to say, putting out the Christmas crap). Eli said the tracks needed cleaning and he needed the cleaning stuff that one can buy at “Why Pay Less” Stebbins Anderson. 

Before he left to go back to school this morning, he and I headed out to Stebbins Anderson but first we had breakfast at Atwaters because he was starving. Holy cow, can this kid put away the food. I don’t mind. Feeding him is one of the few things I have left to do.  There was a couple near us and it was clearly a date, maybe a first date. Older couple. Oh hell, probably my age. The woman never shut up and it was all about her elderly parents and their health failings and assisted living and I could have told the story. I really didn’t need to hear this whole saga given the sentimentality I have chosen to give the train garden.  (Note to self, if you have another date, leave those stories for your friends.) I pointed it out to Eli and how the guy is probably saying inside … just eat your food.  Eli then says, you know how you don’t notice something and then when you do, you can’t not pay attention?  Thanks for pointing that out.  My pleasure. Why should I suffer alone?  Isn’t that one of the reasons we have kids?

                                                    

Stebbins didn’t have an overpriced track cleaning kit and I figured we could just google a home-made remedy so we went to check out the train display in the middle of the mall.  I have been bringing my kids to see this display since well, before they could walk. It was pretty crowded with lots of little ones. One mom and dad were pointing things out to their kids and the kids were so excited.  She looked at me and smiled and I had to say … one day they are like that and the next moment they are 19 and I pointed to Eli.  Yep, cue up the Circle Game.

Eli said he was ready to go. Then he asked if I miss this and I said you mean little kids and he nodded.  I said, yes. Until they start to cry.  As he loaded his clean laundry and groceries in to his car, I handed him a few bucks.  Just in case he needs something to eat. And the seasons they go round and round.

eulogy for my dad

Henry was born in his grandmothers house on monument street in east Baltimore in 1919. He was very young when his family moved to their first and only house in Rosedale which at the time was mostly farmland. 

henry's parents, henry senior and bessie had four children and henry was  the oldest. his younger brother louis was born with cerebral palsy. the family never institutionalized him which was common in that time. louis had some  schooling and he learned a trade - chair caning. henry took his  brother to pick up jobs and return the completed work for years. 

In louis' later years henry and  his late beloved sister ruth continued to care for him. henry is survived by his youngest sister  Carolyn who  lives in Florida with her daughter.

Henry attended a small six room school and then moved to the brand new Kenwood high school which is now golden ring middle school.  He graduated in 1936. As this was the time of the great depression, jobs were scarce. Henry said he was lucky to find work as a laborer on construction for 25 cents an hour. he moved on to be a carpenter's apprentice. 

Henry enlisted to serve in ww two in 1941 and attended anti aircraft training. His unit was sent to seattle to protect the Boeing plant from possible japanese bombing.  Breaking Japanese code, the US found out the japanese were planning to bomb and then settle the aleutian islands in Alaska so his unit was sent there. The japanese settled on another island so he was not in direct fire but his unit stayed and helped rout the Japanese and then became the army of occupation until 1944.

In 1945 he was discharged as a sargeant. Henry returned to Baltimore and resumed his work in construction. He took some classes at the Maryland Institute of Art but he did not  have the resources to further his education. In the sixties he became a building inspector for baltimore and then for the Baltimore city schools. He retired early in 1981. 

Henry met his wife Marge of 62 years at a dance hall. They were married here in 1947 on her birthday. That day was April 12. Today. 

They bought their house on Lavender avenue and lived there for 49 years. They moved to Ridge Gardens apartments so they could spend their time taking day trips instead of doing yard work.

marge developed vascular dementia during their time at ridge gardens and while they very much enjoyed living there, they moved to glen meadows retirement community in 2007 after Marge had serious falls and could not navigate stairs. 

henry took on the role of caregiver for Marge until her death from pneumonia in 2009.

Marge and Henry loved boating. They had pride that they had explored every river and creek on both sides of the Chesapeake Bay from Tangier Island to Havre de Grace.

In the late 60's Marge and Henry gave up boating. Henry got involved in local veterans groups. He was a life member of Parkville American Legion and Parkville VFW. He was an active member of the Legion's singing group The Balladeers for 30 years. 

Never one to pass up a request for volunteers he helped out here at st. Johns frequently and also worked with the disabled american veterans.

Henry believed in being active. He took up tennis after he retired and then he took up golf.  In the last two years he played bocce ball and was on the Wii bowling league at Glen Meadows.

before having a child of their own, marge and henry spent much time with their nieces and nephews often having what is now called ... sleepovers. 

Marge and Henry adopted their cherished daughter Susan in 1961. Becoming parents later in life, they had more energy and enthusiasm than those much younger than them. Susan shared their love of the water and the family spent much time boating and taking yearly trips to Ocean City and two trips to Florida. 

henry shared his sense of adventure with Susan including taking her out really far in the ocean to ride waves much to Marge's chagrin and he  also was known to tie a rope to an airtube and drag Susan around middle river. This was all before her age was even in the double digits.

they also spent much time ice skating on frozen water. Susan tells of the time her father took her and a friend ice skating on Lake Roland. He told the girls to not skate in an area that looked iffy. then he went to check it out himself and fell in. Susan was not happy that they had to leave but her dripping wet and cold father insisted.

Anything that needed to be fixed or created, Henry was there. Susan wonders if the sign he made for Her high school newspaper office is still there. The paper was named the pioneer and he did an elaborate cutout of a horse Drawn carriage.

Susan was editor of the newspaper in her senior year and she thinks her journalism career was surely influenced for her father's penchant for writing letters to the editor of the Baltimore Sun. many times they would get phone calls from people of a different mind on issues. His interest in public affairs and writing letters to the editor continued until just recently.

Tho henry did not have the resources for college, he made sure Susan was able to go to the college she wanted ...  New York University. while he didnt like New York City and having Susan so far way, he was a good sport when he and marge visited including going to an authentic Chinese  restaurant and attending some very offbeat performance art her friends were in.

Henry also greatly enjoyed spending time with his grandson's eli and henry. susan jokes that once they were born, it was all about them. it was never ... We want to see you. it was ... We want to see the kids. 

Eli and henry are very different and he had unique relationships with each of them. Pop pop enjoyed Henry's mischievous nature and sense of humor. Instead of being insulted, he  thought it was funny that henry started calling him Fred because pop pop and him had the same name. Both Henry's shared an artistic talent and a wry sense of humor.

eli and pop pop shared a talent for fixing things, making things and putting things together. Eli will take over as the fixer in chief thanks to all pop pop taught him. Pop pop was  very proud that eli will be attending his college of choice, UMBC, in the fall and not surprisingly partially funded by the college fund pop pop set up. 

Henry would have turned 92 in June. While the last few years were ones of sadness and decline, he did have a life well lived. He had friends and family that loved him and did whatever he could to help others. He will be missed.

on music concerts

What a difference a new school makes. Tonight Henry and I attended Eli's first high school band concert. Unlike the treacly concerts of elementary school and the less than stellar concerts in the gym of the middle school, we actually were treated to a concert in an auditorium with a stage, lights and sound system.

While these things help immeasurably, the talent of the older juniors and seniors made this concert ... actually enjoyable. Well, the concert band which Eli is in and any student wishing to be in the band can be

cell phones

Okay, I just want to know how parents dealt with teens BCF .... Before Cell Phones.

I guess kids used pay phones although I don't remember much of that. I think I just showed up when I showed up. I never had a bus anyway (always just inside the one mile cutoff). So I had to walk to and from school. My mom didn't have a car when I was in elementary school so somehow I got there in rain or snow ... neighbors all pitched in.

But now schools are farther away and across big roads and what with all the pedophiles lurking, kids these days have little freedom out in the real world.

When my 9th grader left this morning at 7 am, he didn't know if he had marching band practice or not. He says he can't use his cell phone on school grounds so how was I supposed to know if he needed pick up or not? I got a text message from the bus that yes there was practice. But no indication of what time it ended. Is it a one hour or two hour practice? Will the mom who usually does Tuesdays be able to do it?

And he is lucky I even saw the text message because the only ones I get are from Verizon telling me my bill is due.

I want him to be safe. Both my middle schooler and high schooler have cell phones.

But sometimes I just wonder how I survived. Wait. I have a call coming in ...

And so it goes.

the dreaded cancer checkup

I know I have nothing to worry about. But in a few weeks I will have my first ... test to make sure there are no cancer cells popping up.

I don't really get the physiology. A pap smear is for cervical cancer. I ain't got no more cervix. So I guess they scrape the upper vagina? And today I was wondering ... what happened to that empty space left after my uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes and oh yes, my cervix were removed?

Does everything compress down? Or am I hollow?

These along with the ongoing issue of the numbness of my abdomen and inner thighs will be somethign I will bring up. At my six week checkup, I was all brave and everything was fine.

The good news is I really don't seem to be having some major hormonal hell. I was so far down the road of pausing my menses that my body was ... okay ... no more estrogen. Fine.

So that is the good news.

And so it goes.

writers block

I know I am sinking into some sort of depression when I don't even want to write about the most mundane things in my life.

The last two weeks were like this. I have no idea what causes this. Maybe I do have a definable mental illness. Maybe my instant menopause is wreeking unknown havoc on my hormonal system. Maybe I am just old and tired.

But getting ready for and doing Thanksgiving did me in this year. And it was only 5 of us. But the truth is cleaning and cooking and cleaning up for 5 is pretty much the same as for 20. And as my friend Carolyn pointed out, with 20 you might have more of a chance of people bringing stuff and helping clean up. None of which I had.

Welp. I am feeling with it again so I just need to go with that.

And so it goes.

domain names for sale

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donny and marie and 50 cent

Saturday, November 10, 2007

donny and marie and 50 cent

Did you see the Osmond reunion on Oprah?

Oh my gosh. It was wonderful. Over a 100 squeaky-clean white-teethed relatives of Marie who still is a little country and Donny ... a bit rock and roll.

I tend to remember myself as having been cool and all-knowing when I was a kid. More Go Ask Alice than Nancy Drew but the truth is I was once young and naive. I did have a 45 of Puppy Love. The Osmonds, god help me, were my Beatles.

My parents, god love them, were not neurotic baby boomers and didn't know that they they should worry about a concept such as puppy love which could then lead to teenage sex and unplanned pregnancy or even worse suicide. No. This was the era right before After School Specials and Oprah and Phil Donahue. Kids were naive and parents didn't have a clue.

Well I do have a clue and for better or worse my kid is not listening to Puppy Love or the even creepier now that I think about it ... Go Away Little Girl or Too Young.

Nope. Tweens and Teens are now listening to hip hop and I am worried. When my son repeats lyrics that have bitch and whore in them, I go ballistic.

So how do I monitor this? I have already moved the computer out of a spare bedroom into the kitchen so I can see what games my kids are playing when they are supposed to be doing homework. Funny how when I walk over to check their progress the computer monitor miraculously changes from Mech Warriors back to a Word document about African religions.

But since I can't stand most of the music they listen to when they are on the computer in the kitchen, I make them wear headphones. I guess this is where I am going wrong. Because unless I hear my son singing along I have no idea what he is listening to.

Now I know they know my values. Values that started when my sons were young and I would put a note on birthday party invitations ... no weapons or war toys please. When they started watching TV it was PBS and then Nickelodeon. I told them they couldn't watch anything with violence and I know they got the message because tv channels were frequently changed the minute they heard me coming. At least they knew what I meant by violence and tried to protect me from seeing it. Now I find I must put a block on shows with adult humor such as South Park or Mind of Mencia. Children do not get irony.

And they don't get how powerful some words can be -- that they are racist and misogynistic and homophobic. But I think my son just likes the rap and the rhyme and the beat. He doesn't get, I guess just like some adults including Don Imus, that some words hurt, a lot. Must I rely on Al Sharpton to monitor the hip hop music industry? Do I need to wait for Imus-like trash talk to get the conversation going in public discourse? Where is Tipper Gore when I need her?

In the mid 80's Gore tried to get record companies to put warning labels on records. She was ridiculed and I probably thought at the time she was stepping on first amendment rights. Now I have kids and I get it. Sure I can try and ensure that my kids only download the clean versions of songs but apparently one can listen to songs on the internet and even download some for free.

Now look, I don't expect my kids to be squeaky clean like the Osmonds. We live in the real world. If they want to drink coffee and imbibe responsibly once they are of-age, I am all for that. And, by the way, that is the extent of my knowledge of Mormonism. But it just seems the real world is a much scarier place than when my parents forked over the cash for Donny Osmond's newest single Puppy Love. It was 1972 and I was eleven.

In 2007 I have an eleven year old and one of his choices could be to download Hip Hop artist 50 Cent's just released new single entitled I Still Kill. Lovely. Okay, I know just like I didn't get into some crazy love affair at a young age because of listening to Donny Osmond, I am sure my son will not become a killer by listening to gangsta rap. Still, I Still Kill ain't Puppy Love.

And so it goes.

sleazy salesman, sucker customer

Okay, I really needed to get my sitting room (not living, not family ... we do that in every room! ... no TV ... so what do I call it? My parlor? Truly, these things keep me up at night) carpet cleaned. My stupid dogs had pretty much ruined it and I knew my little cheap steam cleaner was not going to do the trick.

So I get a valpak with coupons in it and there is a coupon for 14.99 for two rooms ... except berber carpet. Shoulda heard the cha ching right there.

They come out and give an estimate and then will do the work then. Hmmmm. Just tell me.

Okay so this guy gets here with two other workers. He is all ... Mr. Salesman. For carpet cleaning? He does a test spot. Looks good to me. I say okay and THEN we sit down while he writes it up and I watch these two strong guys getting really, really bad pee stains out of my carpet. I now know I should have said ... what is the price before you start. What is wrong with me? One is born every minute.

Oh, oh he started with how nice my furniture is. Where did I get it? I point to the coffee table and tell him a consignment shop and am about to move on to my other finds when he says no, the sofa and chairs. I am like. Oh that's from Ikea. I point out where the boy dog lifts his legs and pees on the slipcovers and he says let's do a test spot on that. Whoa. No thanks. I can wash them. Are you sure he asks, have you read the tag. Yes. So, at least he didn't get that business out of me.

Anyhoo, the charges keep adding up. $75 for urine decontamination. Hmmmm. We have all been walking on that carpet for quite a while as nasty as it is. We have been contaminated? Well, Michael did say walking on it with bare feet was gross. I always wear shoes so what do I know.

And for just $30 more I can get Dupont Teflon put on the rug and then that will give me a warranty for all the carpet in my house. It was only for a year so I questioned that and he got on the phone with his boss and they extended it to three years. So any room in my house can be now cleaned for free. All I have to do is pay for the teflon treatment. As priced. Wonder if the per room charge will go up when I try to use it.

Oh whatever. My rug looks brand new. It is still wet though because they did really work hard on it. I just paid double what I was prepared to pay and I feel like I was taken advantage of.

And I really want to kill my stupid dogs who despite all my efforts still won't be housebroken. You know I found them both. Or did they find me ... one of those suckers born every minute.

And so it goes.

halloween

Here is Henry from last night. Can you guess what he is?

new blog site

My dear Henry has been reading my blog lately. And I want to complain about him so I figure I have to get a new site.

More later but just wanted you all to know I will be posting here and hopefully he won't find me.